One year ago today…. I miss you Mommy!


It has been one year since I lost my mom, to the minute. 12:30 a.m. I was sitting with her holding her hand and my life changed for ever.

In the past year I have felt trapped, alone, and helpless more times than I ever thought I would in my entire lifetime. I am drowning in grief, unable to see a light out. So, I fake it. I’ve plastered a smile to my face, I always have the loudest laugh, and I mention her — but never obsessively. It’s weird because that’s all that I’m ever thinking about, her, her, her….

I miss you mommy! I’ve had some really hard times without you that I’ve cried out loud that I just wished you were here. I have those times in private, but sometimes in public. I’m so blessed to have had the time I had with you, but I’ll always believe you were taken from me way too soon. My best friend, my rock, my right hand, my person, my everything, just gone. They say time heals all wounds but not this one. This is an open wound that when prodded, just bleeds out for a long time. I’ve had a great support system to help me cope with your absence but it doesn’t matter. You’re still gone and I’m still sad about it.

On February 17th, 2017 life lost most of it’s magic… The sun still shines but just not as bright as it once did…

With that said, I know you would want me to get my act together and stop moping and start living. So February 18th, 2018……. that is what I am going to work the hardest at!

I am going to let losing you give me purpose. I will continue to live every day for you.  I will be the best version of me. With every choice, every decision, every step I take for the rest of my life, I will honor you. I will do my best every second of every day to make you the proudest mom in heaven.

Life without you is hard, and it probably always will be, but I will live this life for you momma, always. 

I love and miss you!


Perfectly You….


Perfect is a trap. What does it even look like? The picture of a happy family on the cover of a magazine, a flawless woman, a dream home. I call bullshit on the whole thing. We are perfectly perfect in our imperfect perfection. You are exactly how and who you were meant to be. Don’t let the word or idea scare you.

Be perfectly you.

There is no perfect life, but there are perfect moments.

There is perfection to the parts of your life you seem imperfect. Without problems, there would be no solutions. Without a need for more, there would be no inventions. Without wanting, yearning, desiring more, there would be no learning, searching, discovering. Without an openness to create more in our lives, we would never have love partners, make babies, or do anything new. We would be stuck in how perfect it already is. Living in the moment, you can feel the perfection in each moment because it exists, and then we are in another moment. Be present with the perfect in the moment, rather than having to have all the details look perfect or fit a standard.

This is where laughing at how imperfect and lousy a moment is, when someone literally spills milk instead of crying over it, is the perfect moment. It creates giggle fests. The funniest stories are not the “perfect” ones, but rather the messy, silly, I-can’t-that-happened moments. There is joy is not looking for or needing perfect, but finding each moment to be perfect. Take a deep breath. It’s all perfect.

Have a great day all, go out and be perfectly you!


Happy International Women Day!!


Happy International Women Day!!! Go out and be all you can be!! Make today count! 
Cherish and empower the women in your life. And girls: don’t be afraid to dare, speak up and be fiercely yourself. 🌼
Is there a International Men Day? If not there should be, to focus on men’s health, improving gender relations, promoting gender equality, and highlighting positive male role models!

Our men deserve a lot of recognition and praise! I know I appreciate mine! 
But today is about us women! I have so many awesome women/girlfriends in my life. Thank you to all of you!. I wouldn’t be where I am without you. 
I especially want to remember my mommy, who I lost a few weeks ago and miss tremendously! She has always brought me inspiration, her courage and strength motivated me to keep speaking up for equality and inclusion. She helped me to grow with love, truth, and honesty. She helped me to choose the right path with values, morals, and self worth. She encouraged me to reach for my dreams with hope and confidence. I pray to be a mother like her, to shape my children into strong adults, full of hopes and dreams. She made me who I am today, and I will always remember her in life’s passings for no one could touch my life as she did.
On this #InternationalWomensDay! Tell me about a special woman in your life…


Let’s make cake!


Good Morning everyone! What a great day I had yesterday! Several prayers answered! I can’t start this one without giving praise and thanks to the lord! Thank you for answered prayers, thank you for the beauty that surrounds me, the people, opportunities, nature and the smiles that i encounter every day! Thank you for the little blessings and answered prayers you sneak into my life a little at a time. Its those little things I appreciate more then everything, while so many look for the “big things” I know that the morsels make up the cake and without them added slowly the finished product would not be as enjoyable and good. I want to savor each step as it happens, not just get it all over with now with nothing to anticipate! So thank you for submerging me into this new life and the rewards I know I will reap by staying true, patiance and having faith. Thank you for your love and grace and guidance on this every changing journey. Thank you for loving me, flaws and all.


Have a beautiful blessed day all of you….. No matter what is happening remember be strong, patience, positive and keep hope. The little ingredients are slowly being added to make the cake of your life! Sometime we fail to see them, but they are there and you will see the finished product soon and life will taste good! 🙂 keep smiling! Xoxo





How many of you have ever run out of gas? How many of you have ever prayed that you would be able to make it to the next gas station? We all know what it means to be out of gas, to be out of our own resources and be down to nothing. How many of you have experienced God’s divine provision at just the right time in just the right way?

You got to do your part – in times of trouble it’s always a good idea to pray yourself and get other people to pray with you. It’s also important to read God’s word and have faith that God will intervene. Then it is important to head God’s word and do what it says to do!

When your heart is anchored to the heart of God you will withstand all the storms of life, and there will be storms! Because WHEN YOU’RE DOWN TO NOTHING, GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING!

Joseph was down to nothing – He lost his freedom and was sold into slavery – wrongfully accused of rape and thrown into jail. He was at the bottom of the barrel – innocent, yet in jail in a foreign country. If that had happened to us, we would be so mad that we would bubble up like a bad paint job. God was up to something in Joshph’s life. He blessed Joseph even in prison so that all that whatever he did prospered and soon the warden of the prison put Joseph in charge of the prison. God gave Joseph the gift of dream interpretation and he interpreted the dreams of the Baker and the Cupbearer and when the Pharo needed an interpretation to his troubling dream Joseph delivered and Pharo promoted him to the 2nd highest position in the land to manage Egypt’s vast agricultural resources. Joseph stored grain and allocated it in such a way as to prepare for survival during a seven year famine. Meanwhile…
Jacob (Joseph’s father) was down to nothing. Jacob’s other sons lied to him and told him that Joseph (the son he loved the most) was dead and some eight or so years later along with the grief over Joseph’s supposed death came a severe famine that threatened to starve and kill the rest of his family. Jacob was down to nothing, but God was up to something. ReadGenesis 45:4-7 WHEN YOU’RE DOWN TO NOTHIN, GOD IS UP TO SOMETHIN

Job – lost everything – his livestock, his wealth, his children – he lost everything but his wife. He was down to nothing, sitting on a dung heap with oozing sores all over his body. But, God was up to something. God faith in Job and Job’s faith in God defeated Satan in a classic spiritual battle. The result? God restored double-fold what Job lost. (Read Job 42:10ff to end) WHEN YOU’RE DOWN TO NOTHING, GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING

Gideon was down to nothing – he had lost his confidence. The Midianite hord had ravished the land like locusts. Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress – hiding from the Midianites. He had reached the bottom of the barrel – he was down to nothing. It was at this point that God met him and directed him to deliver Israel. With only 100 men he defeated the Midianite horde and freed the land of the Midianite pestilence. WHEN YOU’RE DOWN TO NOTHING, GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING

David was down to nothing – He lost his rights when King Saul branded him an outlaw – he had to flee the country and live among the Philistines. He was a fugitive, at the bottom of the barrel. But God was up to something. King Saul was killed in a battle and David was established as king of Israel. WHEN YOU’RE DOWN TO NOTHING, GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING

Hezekiah King of Judah was down to nothing when he found himself surrounded by the army of Sennacherib, King of Assyria. Sennachherib demanded surrender and reminded King Hezekiah that he had already concord and sacked many cities killing the leaders and dragging everyone else off into slavery. The gods of these cities couldn’t save them, so what makes you think Yahweh can save Jerusalem? Hezekiah tore his clothes and put on sackcloth. He was at the bottom of the barrel, but God was up to something. The prophet Isaiah prophesied Sennacherib’s doom and sure enough that night the angel of the Lord went out and put to death 185,000 of Sennacherib’s troops. So Sennacherib broke camp and hightailed it back to Assyria and stayed there until two of his sons assassinated him. WHEN YOU’RE DOWN TO NOTHING, GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING

In 2 Kings 4 we find a prophet’s widow down to nothing. When her husband died he left behind a debt. The woman came to Elisha and told him that her husband’s creditor was coming to take her two boys to sell into slavery to satisfy the debt. She was in despair, she was at the bottom of the barrel, she was a mom horrified at the thought of losing her boys. But God was up to something. Elisha asked her, “What do you have in your house?” She literally had nothing but a little oil. So Elisha told her to go to her neighbors and collect all the empty containers she could get her hands on and then bring them into her house and begin pouring out the oil into them. She obeyed and from one small vessel of oil she filled all the pots in the house and was able to sell the oil to pay off the debt and have enough money left over to live on. WHEN YOU’RE DOWN TO NOTHING, GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING

Shadrach, Meshack and Abednego were down to nothin when King Nebuchadnezzar condemned them to death in the fiery furnace because they stood up for truth and what was right and refused to bow before a graven image. But God was up to something, because when they were thrown into the furnace they were not harmed! But not only that, in Daniel 3:30 the Bible says that King Nebuchadnezzar promoted them in the province of Babylon. WHEN YOU’RE DOWN TO NOTHING, GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING

Ezekiel was down to nothing – He was a young priest who lost his country to war and was carried into captivity to Babylonia. The temple in Jerusalem had been trashed and he had no place to practice the priesthood. His professional life was over. He was nothing but somebody’s slave now. He was at the bottom of the barrel, but God was up to something. In an instant God reformulated Israel’s theology. He appeared to Ezekiel in a vision in the fiery cloud with 4 living winged creatures whose appearance was like burning coals riding wheels within wheels as the glory of God descended to the earth there beside the Kebar River in Babylon. Above the expanse over their heads was a throne of sapphire and above the throne was the figure of a man glowing with the glory of the Lord. Read Ezekiel 2:1-5
God was not confined to a temple in Jerusalem, God was not confined to the boarders of Israel, God was not confined to the temple ritual, God was much more – much bigger – much holier – much more awesome than the children of Israel could imagine. God was on the thrown, and His thrown is over all the earth and He can not be confined to a box or a room in a temple. God is sovereign, omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent. He hasn’t abandoned his people in a foreign land, instead, He is present with them and through Ezekiel provided a prophet to lead them in their time of captivity.

Peter was down to nothin after he denied Christ 3 times. He was a miserable failure. He was at the bottom of the barrel. But God was up to somethin. Jesus met Peter on the shoreline of Lake Galilee and restored Peter’s confidence, restored Peter’s faith and restored Peter’s position in the Kingdom. The result, on the Day of Pentecost Peter got up and delivered a powerful sermon then sat down without even giving an altar call. People were convicted on the spot and asked what they must do to be saved. That day 3,000 new believers were baptized in water! WHEN YOU’RE DOWN TO NOTHING, GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING

Paul and Silas were severely flogged and thrown into prison for casting out a demonic spirit from a girl. They were down to nothing there in that dark, dank prison. About midnight were praying and singing hymns to God and the other prisoners were listening to them. (Christians, people are observing you under pressure – what do they see?) Suddenly, there was a violent earthquake. The prison doors flew open and the chains fell off all the prisoners. The guard was about to take his life when Paul shouted, “Don’t harm yourself! We are all here!” As a result, the jailer and all his household became believers and were baptized. WHEN YOU’RE DOWN TO NOTHING, GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING

The Apostle John was down to nothing. He was an old man confined to the prison island of Patmos in Greece. He was a political prisoner, exiled for practicing his faith and leading the Church in Asia Minor. He was effectively stopped from teaching and preaching. This is a difficult spot for a preacher to be in. John was at the bottom of the barrel. But, God was up to something. Jesus Christ appeared appeared to John on the Lord’s day when John was “in the spirit.” The result? The fabulous book of Revelation. The last book in the Bible that has been a comfort and assurance to all Christians throughout the ages. John’s situation looked hopeless, but he was able to influence the Church for all time even from exile. WHEN YOU’RE DOWN TO NOTHING, GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING

Does God still do these kind of miracles for His people?
YES! God is for you 100%!
Here is a modern account of God’s miraculous provision:

A young man had been to Wednesday night Bible Study. The Pastor had shared about listening to God and obeying the Lord’s voice. The young man
couldn’t help but wonder, “Does God still speak to people?” After service he
went out with some friends for coffee and pie and they discussed the
message. Several different ones talked about how God had led them in
different ways. It was about ten o’clock when the young man started driving
home. Sitting in his car, he just began to pray, “God.. If you still speak
to people, speak to me. I will listen. I will do my best to obey.” As he
drove down the main street of his town, he had the strangest thought, stop
and buy a gallon of milk. He shook his head and said out loud, “God is that
you?” He didn’t get a reply and continued on toward home.

But again, the thought, buy a gallon of milk. The young man thought about
Samuel and how he didn’t recognize the voice of God, and how little Samuel
ran to Eli. “Okay, God, in case that is you, I will buy the milk.”

It didn’t seem like too hard a test of obedience. He could always use the
milk. He stopped and purchased the gallon of milk and started off toward
home. As he passed Seventh street, he again felt the urge, “Turn down that
street.” This is crazy he thought and drove on past the intersection.
Again, he felt that he should turn down Seventh Street.

At the next intersection, he turned back and headed down Seventh. Half
jokingly, he said out loud, “Okay, God, I will”. He drove several blocks,
when suddenly, he felt like he should stop. He pulled over to the curb and
looked around. He was in semi-commercial area of town. It wasn’t the best
but it wasn’t the worst of neighborhoods either. The businesses were closed
and most of the houses looked dark like the people were already in bed.

Again, he sensed something, “Go and give the milk to the people in the
house across the street.” The young man looked at the house. It was dark
and it looked like the people were either gone or they were already asleep.
He started to open the door and then sat back in the car seat. “Lord,
this is insane. Those people are asleep and if I wake them up, they are
going to be mad and I will look stupid.”

Again, he felt like he should go and give the milk. Finally, he opened the
door, “Okay God, if this is You, I will go to the door and I will give them
the milk. If you want me to look like a crazy person, okay. I want to be
obedient. I guess that will count for something but if they don’t answer
right away, I am out of here.”

He walked across the street and rang the bell. He could hear some noise
inside.A man’s voice yelled out, “Who is it? What do you want?”

Then the door opened before the young man could get away. The man was
standing there in his jeans and t-shirt. He looked like he just got out of
bed. He had a strange look on his face and he didn’t seem too happy to
have some stranger standing on his doorstep. “What is it?”

The young man thrust out the gallon of milk, “Here, I brought this to you.”
The man took the milk and rushed down a hallway speaking loudly in Spanish.

Then from down the hall came a woman carrying the milk toward the kitchen.
The man was following her holding a baby. The baby was crying. The man had
tears streaming down his face. The man began speaking and half crying,
“We were just praying. We had some big bills this month and we ran
out of money. We didn’t have any milk for our baby. I was just praying and
asking God to show me how to get some milk.”

His wife in the kitchen yelled out, “I ask him to send an Angel with some..
Are you an Angel?” The young man reached into his wallet and pulled out
all the money he had on him and put it in the man’s hand. He turned and
walked back toward his car with tears streaming down his face. He
knew firsthand that God still answers prayers.


Many are going through hard times, weathering dark storms in your lives, myself included. have lost almost everything, my job, home, car, several friends and the love of my life….. But I refuse to give up, I refuse to stop believing and smiling. I will get past this storm and find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!  I may be down to nothing, but I know God is up to something!!

Please Join me in prayer 🙂 Stay strong!! Keep the faith!  I love you all!

Lord, you are Holy above all others, and all of the strength that I need is in your hands.

I am not asking, Lord, that you take this trial away. Instead, I simply ask that Your will be done in my life. Whatever that means, that is what I want.

But I admit that it’s hard, Lord.

Sometimes I feel like I can’t go on. The pain and the fear are too much for me, and I know that I don’t have the strength on my own to get through this.

I know that I can come to you, Jesus, and that you will hear my prayer. I know that it is not your intent to bring me to this point just to leave me in the wilderness alone.

Please, Lord, give me the strength that I need to face today. don’t have to worry about tomorrow.

If you just give me the strength that I need today that is all I need.

Keep me from sinning during this trial. Instead, help me to keep my eyes on you. You are the Holy Lord, and all of my hope rests in you.

Dear Lord, I am calling upon you today for your divine guidance and help. I am in crisis and need a supporting hand to keep me on the right and just path.

My heart is troubled but I will strive to keep it set on you, as your infinite wisdom will show me the right way to a just and right resolution. Thank you for hearing my prayer and for staying by my side.



Written for The Daily Post Prompt of the Day: Storm




I saw this word prompt of the day “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” , from the past and I couldn’t resist to add this video! Some of you may not know but I am Deaf. I live near Disneyland and have a annual passport. I go often and watch the shows in American Sign Language. This clip is “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” Deaf Style!!!



Signed by Disneyland interpreters Brian and Lauren.



Today is a blank page…..


Today is a blank page, just waiting to be filled with your dreams… All you have to do is be yourself and live the story of your own unique life. Be proud. Be confident. And most of all be happy.


Today is blank page